44: Exploring Life and Love: A Deeper Dive into Confronting Hard Truths with Chris Do (Part 2)

After the first part of my  dynamic conversation with Chris Do on finding purpose, identity, and community,  we go deeper in Part 2 of our discussion.

Chris shares his candid insights on choosing the ideal life partner using his revealing "drive-thru test," why complete honesty has been his Achilles’ heel in relationships, and how to uncover your unique gifts  to use them to make the world better.

Join us for a thoughtful and open dialogue as Chris shares more about authentic partnership, understanding people, and living purposefully. Discover more relationship and life wisdom with the talented Chris Do.

Here are the key takeaways from this episode:

02:12 - Why choosing the right life partner is very crucial

06:47 - Money is the byproduct of pursuit

10:19 - Chris’ dating advice

17:31 - Subtle things people do that reveal so much about them

20:49 - What is Chris’ Achilles heel?

24:57 - The truth is such a high value

25:40 - Whatever a person perceives of you. is a reflection of who they are

31:04 - Find your inner freak – your weirdo, your shadow self, your vulnerabilities


About the Guest

Meet Chris Do, the Emmy award-winning designer and visionary behind The Futur—an online education platform that captures the essence of a private art school, without the crippling debt. 

Chris' journey is painted with a bold ambition to teach an impressive one billion people the art of earning a living by pursuing their passions. This mission isn't just a number for him—it's a testament to his deep-rooted belief in empowering individuals to unlock their potential.

With over 15 years teaching at ArtCenter and Otis College, he's also graced global stages from AIGA conferences to Digital Design Days in Milan.

Connect with Chris and be a part of his billion-strong vision on various platforms:

• Twitter
• Instagram
• TikTok
• YouTube
• Facebook

Resources:

Join my fearlessly curious community and SIGN UP to JOIN my Fearlessly Authentic Living Community Newsletters for real client success stories and life strategies, reflections, contemplations and support you won't find anywhere else.

If you enjoy this episode, please SHARE, RATE and REVIEW the show on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

About Me:

I help you lead with fearless authenticity by smashing the self-imposed heteronormative stereotypes that keep you playing small through emotional healing inner child and inherited intergenerational trauma.

Create a purposeful life of your unique design by disrupting societal norms and expectations of who you should be.

Explore mindfulness, music, fearless curiosity and loving kindness through the lens of Human Design to thrive as the person you are born to be.

Learn more about my coaching method and join my emotional healing, mindfulness, and music community at melissaindot.com.

Transcript

[00:00:00]  Chris: So people naturally think Chris Do is all about the money. I could care less about the money. The money to me is a byproduct of the pursuit. The pursuit is so much more meaningful and rewarding for me, which is how do I elevate myself to become the highest form of myself? And there's no limit to how high and how far you can go. So I work on things like self development, about reading, hiring coaches and mentors, and just navigating the world so that I can learn as much as I can, with the intention of teaching as many people as I can. Coincidentally or not so coincidentally, the more I learn, the more I'm worth. The more money I can make so that I don't have to worry about making money at all.

[00:00:48] Melissa: Hey there. Welcome to the Fearlessly Curious Podcast, your safe space. Listen, lean in and learn the diversity of human experiences through the lens of fearless curiosity. When we learn more about each other, we also learn more about ourselves. How? Because when we listen to each other's curiosities and experiences, we relate to that which is in common, and that which sets us apart, gives us something to reflect on. We learn through and with each other. I'm grateful to you, the global community, for your curious questions. The Fearlessly Curious Podcast cannot exist without you.

[00:01:35] Melissa: Welcome to the Fearlessly Curious Podcast, and this week we have part two of my chat with the amazing Chris Do. Last week was just the tip of the iceberg and we've got a whole lot more to unpack, discuss and discover. So let's get straight into it. Chris, I'd like to ask you, you mentioned three people that you were grateful for. The first person you mentioned. was your wife. Could you expand a little bit on what it is that she helped you or supported you or was a part of in your personal growth? 

[00:02:12] Chris: My wife is my partner in crime for 25 plus years now. She's the first person I met at Art Center. She's the love of my life, my best friend. We don't always agree on many things, but we are just always so honest and direct with each other. And I say this to all my friends, young people, old people alike, the single biggest decision that you're going to make in your life is choosing your life partner. Choose poorly, you will suffer mightily.

[00:02:38] Chris: Choose well and you'll grow and blossom in ways that you can't even imagine. Let me point some contrasts here because I've had not a lot of people I've dated in my life, but enough that I have a good reference point. My first girlfriend was all about how I could serve her, her family. She was about appearances, meaning I need to act and speak and carry myself a certain way to be accepted by her parents.

[00:03:00] Chris: And they were upper class folks who had done well in life. So I always felt like, and I hate to say this, but a dog, a pet in the family to be touted about, to be told what to do and to be put in a certain corner in place. But I loved her and I was blinded by that love and when I decided to go off and to go to art centre and pursue a career, it meant that I had to leave our hometown and go pursue my education to make something of myself so that I can someday provide for her and our potential future family.

[00:03:34] Chris: She took this as a sign of betrayal and abandonment, and did not support me in that concept, and I'm like, I don't understand. So that was her grounds for us splitting apart. And I was thinking, we could live for now, or we can live for a long time. Thinking so short sightedly about things that young teenagers think about, having a nice handbag, driving a quote unquote cool car, meant everything.

[00:04:02] Chris: And this is the small town, poor mindset that people never escape from. And I had bigger ideas and bigger ambition. Let's contrast that with my current wife. I mean, not my current wife, my only wife, right? I'm like, honey, I'm sorry. With my wife, her name's Jessie and she sees work as important as I do. And she's super pragmatic. She's a creative person. She's a designer. And here's this woman who, when she left her place of employment, had a few months left on her H 1 visa. 

[00:04:37] Melissa: What's an H 1 visa, Chris? Sorry, I'm going to interrupt just for those who don't know what that is.

[00:04:41] Chris: Sure. So when you're in America as a student, you can't unfairly compete and take work away from Americans. And so you get a student visa to find a job and you have a period of time to work. And then eventually, if you do well, you apply for a green card and then eventually maybe citizenship. It's highly regulated and it's very difficult to get these visas. And so she had a visa and she's working at Wieden Kennedy, the agency for Nike.

[00:05:06] Chris: And she decided she's going to go back to Taiwan. But before she did that, she wanted to help me because she knew her best friend from school was running a business and needed help. So she said, I have a few months left on my visa before it expires, before I have to leave the country. If you can provide me a place to live, I can crash at your place.

[00:05:24] Chris: I will help you. You don't have to pay me anything. And this is not inconsistent with our relationship throughout school. We helped each other out all the time. But I was like, this is pretty cool. Like, who does this? Which one of your friends says, I can work for you for three and a half, four months, and you don't have to pay me.

[00:05:42] Chris: And when I'm done, I'm going to go home to my home country. And that'll be that. Okay, so this gets real interesting. So this. is a testament to the character, to the person. And she's super pragmatic. She's like, you don't need to do this. Go ahead and go to the meeting. Do well. I'll be in the back room. I'll do the work.

[00:05:59] Chris: And here's something that's really cool about her too. She saw that I'm terrible at managing receipts and expenses. So she's like, if you trust me enough, give me your ATM, your Wells Fargo account numbers. I'll manage all this stuff for you. I'm like, oh my gosh, who's this person? And so we weren't even dating then.

[00:06:17] Chris: That was the last time I went to the bank. Wow. It's been 26 years. So to this day, I have no idea what my accounts are, what money's in there, and I don't even care. It's how much I explicitly trust her, and I don't have to worry. And I know this is confusing to lots of people because, and maybe you'll think less of me, because I try to teach people how to be smart with their money, how to communicate their value to others so that they're not taken advantage of.

[00:06:47] Chris: So people naturally think Chris Do is all about the money. I could care less about the money. The money, to me, is a byproduct of the pursuit, and the pursuit is so much more meaningful and rewarding for me, which is, how do I elevate myself to become the highest form of myself? And there's no limit to how high and how far you can go.

[00:07:08] Chris: So I work on things like self development, about reading, hiring coaches and mentors and just navigating the world so that I can learn as much as I can with the intention of teaching as many people as I can, coincidentally or not so coincidentally. The more I learned, the more I'm worth, the more money I can make so that I don't have to worry about making money at all.

[00:07:30] Chris: So you get to a certain point in your life where at first it's just struggle to prove that you have a product that the market wants. You're looking for that product market fit and then you hit your stride and you're able to command the highest what somebody can command doing what it is that you do.

[00:07:46] Chris: But now I've gotten into this place where new opportunities open up where people pay me. I think unfair amount of money that I happily accept because they see greater value in what it is that I do than the money that they made. They're happy to give it to me and I'm happy to take it. I'm like, great, I must be doing something right.

[00:08:07] Chris: And so I have a partner who has inherited a lot of the things I don't like to do. Maybe she doesn't even like to do it herself, but she supports me and understands that we're in this together that this boat We rise together or we die together and that's why she's my ride or die Now one other thing about her which is super amazing and sometimes also hard to live with is she's very very direct There isn't a lot of bread tomatoes and mayonnaise on this critique sandwich.

[00:08:37] Chris: It's just all critique. It's all meat It's like, it's a paleo sandwich for critique, right? So it's not like, honey, I love you. You're amazing. You're a super charismatic, intelligent, bright. I love this exercise. Here's what you need to fix. It's straight into, here's what you need to fix. And this is why it sucks.

[00:08:53] Chris: I'm like, okay, at least we got there. I understand. And I'll work on it. Thank you for being so direct. And I love having her in my class, on my calls, in my workshops, because she's the only person who's brave enough to call me out on the spot. And so if I'm a cult leader, once again, I'm not doing this right, because I need to have absolute authority and that plan is not working out.

[00:09:16] Melissa:: Is she the power behind the throne?

[00:09:22] Chris: She has the power. I think I'm just the hand of the king. I'm not even the king, I'm just the hand. Yeah.

[00:09:29] Melissa: Did you say her name is Jessie? Her name's Jessie. Wow. Thank you. I'm glad I asked the question. Thank you for sharing. What a powerful and highly respectful relationship that you have with your life partner, Jessie. And now I know what to put out there in the world because I'm still available.

[00:09:52] Melissa: And actually I found some resonance there because my first relationship was not unlike yours. It was all about serving. Yeah. At the end of the day, you discover that your long game with someone is either the same or it's not. And it's really as simple as that. And I really admire that you and Jesse have such a beautifully respectful and high level relationship where you can be transparent and honest with each other.

[00:10:14] Melissa: Because if we don't have honesty and truth, then what do we have? Really? What do we have? 

[00:10:19] Chris: Yeah. Thank you. I'm going to give you some dating advice. Can I give you some dating advice? Please. I'm all in. Okay. I have young friends who are still single and I say to them, okay, there's a couple things you can do and I'm super observant and hypercritical and when I see somebody doing something small, I understand what it means.

[00:10:38] Chris: Like people say this expression and you really need to pay attention to this part. People show you who they are the first time around. But we're kind of blind. We have our rose coloured glasses on and we can't see it. And I've learned from that. So the first thing I would say is if you're seriously thinking about marrying somebody, think again, first of all, like don't rush into this.

[00:10:57] Chris: Think again. Yeah. And then really think again, but get an opportunity to meet their parents. So if you're dating a woman, watch how her mom behaves. How her mom talks to her father and to the daughter, the person you love, and if you're interested in a guy, look at the dad, look at what he does on the weekends, see how he talks to his spouse, his partner, and to his children, because in some way, you marry a person who is a mirror version of them or the mirror opposite version of them.

[00:11:25] Chris: You have to figure out which one, so if they're like their mom or like their dad, then you know what you're getting yourself into, and have sober perspective on this, just really be honest and be honest. Just don't try to say no, no, no, she's gonna change. Don't try to change her. Don't try to change him because that's who you're gonna get.

[00:11:42] Chris: Number two. This is the trick in the test. Okay, go to a drive thru like on one of your dates or whatever. Go to drive thru. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about the food. Order something and then hand her or him the bag. See what they do. Do they just start eating? Oh, I gotcha. Or do they throw your sandwich on your lap?

[00:12:07] Chris: Or do they unravel your sandwich, get your stuff ready, get your napkin on the lap so that you can continue to drive serving you before they serve themselves? And I gotta tell you, when we were just hanging out in college... We would work super late, Jesse and I, and she was dating one of my friends at that point.

[00:12:26] Chris: So we're just working together and it's like three in the morning, going to the coffee shop and getting prints and things like that, pull up to a Jack in the Box or something like that. Oh, I love Jack in the Box. Order food, right? It's like, it's dirty, greasy food, but it's super tasty, you know, you can do it dirty.

[00:12:41] Chris: That's how you do it. Right. And then unprompted by me, I wasn't even aware, Jesse takes up the sandwich, unravels it. Put it in my lap driving and hands it over to me and make sure I have whatever it is I need before she even thinks about eating. Hold on to that thought. Later on, I meet a girl and I don't tell you about who she is or anything like that.

[00:13:02] Chris: Oh man. Keep it a secret. Yeah. Pull over. Same exact thing. It was not a test. I wasn't that mature to think about these things back then. Starts eating. My food's going cold. I knew then instinctively this was not the one for me because that was just going to be. our life together. And from the painful experience from my first girlfriend, I already knew she told me who she's going to be, which is you need to impress my parents.

[00:13:33] Chris: And I was thinking, you know, everybody else thinks I'm pretty impressive as I am. You got me jumped in hoops like a trained animal here. I should have figured that out, but I couldn't because I was stupid. So I just want to put that out there.

[00:13:43] Melissa: Well, you probably needed that experience to find your way back to you again.

[00:13:47] Chris: Yeah. So I tell my young employees about this. And then they cite this movie. It's pretty hilarious. So there's a movie and in the movie, the guy's telling the other guy, you know, how to see if she's a keeper or not. So he says, you're a chivalrous guy. Go over there and open the door for her. Go over there, open the door.

[00:14:05] Chris: She gets in the car and you close the door and you slowly walk around the backside to see if she reaches over to open your door. See, that's a keeper. The person who wants to sit there like princess or prince. You're going to serve that person for the rest of your life. And I don't want somebody like that.

[00:14:24] Chris: I want a partner. I want an equal. We take care of each other. We look out for each other. We look at how we can serve each other. And that's really important.

[00:14:35] Melissa: There's a great two pointers right there. There you go. Were there two? Is there one more? That was two. The parents. That was two. The parents. And the test.

[00:14:41] Melissa: So I'm going to be 49 in a few months, right? So if I'm looking for, not looking, but if I happen to magnetise someone who is my age or a bit older, they may no longer have the privilege of having their parents around, Chris. Yes. What might be something that I could lean into? Do you have anything? 

[00:14:59] Chris: Ask them about how their parents around. How was your dad? Blah, blah, blah. And you're like, Oh, okay. Yeah. My dad, uh, after being laid off, never got another job, sat on a, I'm like, okay. Okay. Okay. They'll tell you because they don't know what's up. Now, if, of course, if they listen to this podcast, all bets are off because they got the same information, they can manipulate things and they're like, I know what she's looking for and they're going to change things.

[00:15:29] Melissa: Right. Well, it didn't  actually say what I was looking for. So I'm holding those cards close to my chest. However, maybe this next question will reveal what it is that I'm looking for, but it's going to be through your eyes. So I'm going to put myself in the hotspot. I'm going to say, Chris, who do you think I am, like, if you were to buy, you know, go to the drive thru and buy that meal and pass it over to me, what do you think I would do?

[00:16:00] Chris: You know I had to do this. You know I had to do this.

[00:16:03] Chris: You know, Admiral Ackbar from Return of the Jedi, and he's like squid face, you know, yeah. And he's like, it's a trap. It's like, this is a trap. There's no way I can win this. Either I'm blowing smoke up your butt or you're like, oh, I can't believe you said that.

[00:16:18] Melissa:I know that you're not going to blow smoke up my butt because I've forgotten the first part. See, I'm only stuck with the word razor blade.

[00:16:30] Chris: Look, I think by the way that you responded, first of all, some people hate fast food. And they would turn their nose up at it. And I'm a very practical person, so I don't also want someone who's like, you know, we're on a road trip and to be expedient about this, we got to pull over here. And you're like, I don't do fast food.

[00:16:50] Chris: You know, it's not part of the Atkins, paleo, whatever diet I'm on. I'm like, Oh, you know, a little flexibility here. So I would probably put you in a little category. I don't see you as that. Because as soon as I said, Jack in the box, you're like, Jack in the crack box, let's go. So I don't like to do dirty, but every once in a while I do dirty and it's okay.

[00:17:10] Chris: I'm flexible and I'm looking for a flexible person. So I can see that you would be flexible and I can see that you're a thoughtful person, especially because if you're a disruptive empath, you're thinking about, what does Kristen need right now? So I think you would look out for me. And I would be like, Hmm, I don't feel that.

[00:17:29] Melissa: There's that feeling again. 

[00:17:31] Chris: We're off to a good start. Let's see where this goes. But if you were to do something different, I might still go on a couple more dates with you, but I already know I'm putting you in a different category now. So I've learned this in my life that there are little subtle things that people do that tell me so much about who they are, their values, how they were raised.

[00:17:52] Chris: And so I'm hyper conscientious about this because I have two boys and I'm trying to raise them the right way. So here's some simple thing that we do at the Doe Residence. We don't do that much, but we do do a few things. I say every meal that you get did not magically arrive here. Someone worked to be able to buy this food.

[00:18:10] Chris: Someone worked to prepare this food and put it in front of you. The least that you can do is show some gratitude. If you don't, you paid for it. We'll just do it real simple like that. So in the beginning, the little munchkins, they run around, they're putting the fork in and I said, it has to be before that food enters your mouth.

[00:18:27] Chris: And then they'll, they'll like get this electric shock in their brain, they'll drop the fork, say, thanks mom, thanks dad. I'm like, okay. We can go out to a restaurant, I'm like, I guess you guys just bought this meal today, didn't you? We'll take it out of your allowance. We'll take it out of your bank account.

[00:18:40] Chris: They're like, oh, I forgot. So I want to teach them ideas about gratitude, about honouring and respecting the rules that people have in their own homes and their businesses. So when we go to a place, we look at how they handle things. Are they taking their shoes off? No, their shoes are on. Are they speaking loudly or softly?

[00:18:58] Chris: What are they doing? And we make sure we're respectful because we're in their home, their place of business. When it's our home, we look at how they react and how they act. And most people have no parenting skills. Their rugrats are running all over the place, destroying the whole house. I'm like, yeah.

[00:19:14] Chris: You're going to create a person who is not paying attention to anyone, and you're going to pay that price later on. So it's not for me to tell you how to parent, but I just watch, and I'm like, okay, I see. And then later on when their children are 17, 19, 22 years old, and they're talking back to their parents, no respect, no consideration, and they're complaining about their own children, I'm like, I wonder how that happened.

[00:19:37] Chris: What a mystery. What a mystery that is. So I believe in this. There are no such thing as bad children, just bad parents who have no parenting skills. Powerful. So I think you strike me as a very thoughtful, empathetic person who is not looking to serve yourself first. You can see how many times you talked about the community here that you would think this is an advertorial for the future program.

[00:20:02] Chris: Yeah. Unprompted by me, everybody. This is not a setup here. So, yeah, I see you as a super thoughtful person. Thank you, Chris. You know, I would eat it. See you later.

[00:20:14] Melissa: Can I squeeze one more question in? Yeah, of course. Okay. So we've spoken about Futur Pro, your vision, we've spoken about, you know, you've shared some really touching insights into your relationship with Jesse, your wife, your life partner, and even given me some sort of dating advice, which I love taking to heart. I'm curious if you'd be open to share, this is a big question, it feels big to me anyway. 

[00:20:39] Chris: Oh, I'm scared. What's your Achilles heel? Okay, this is going to sound really 

[00:20:43] Melissa: weird. That's okay, you're in good company of weirdos. Misfits, creative misfits. 

[00:20:49] Chris: A misfit. It's going to sound really weird. So I've talked to people about this because I've done some shadow work myself, not a ton.

[00:20:57] Chris: I'm trying to look for the things that I know are not good about me and it's something I struggle with. And I just had a conversation with one of my friends. earlier today. And this is the thing that I say, I wish I could see the world in less contrast, that there were more shades of grey, that I was more flexible with what truth is.

[00:21:21] Chris: Because when I see someone for who they are, in keeping with the theme of our conversation, it's hard for me to unsee it. So I see it. It's going to sound really weird because I practise very mindful observation without judgement. So you could present yourself to me as a person who is very selfish, self centred, and I can see that, know that about you, but I also can still hang out with you.

[00:21:44] Chris: I'm not going to call you to hang out with you voluntarily, but I'm not that kind of person who's like, well, she's dead to me. I'm not talking to her anymore. Okay. Yeah. Now here's where it becomes super problematic. If you ask me for my opinion, and I believe a certain thing, I will tell you what I think.

[00:22:01] Chris: And this gets me into all kinds of trouble. So for example, if you showed me your portfolio, let's say you're a designer, and you ask me, Chris, I want your honest feedback. Where am I? 1 to 10. Quit now. You're fine. Or something in between. I can hear it. I wish I were like, Oh, this is all beautiful. You're amazing, Melissa.

[00:22:25] Chris: This is incredible. But if I don't think so, I will tell you. Now I'll try my best to use nonviolent language to tell you, but I will tell you. Now here's how it's gotten me in trouble many, many times. And you're going to be shocked because I just can't, I can't live my life the other way because it's like, I believe in the pursuit of truth.

[00:22:45] Chris: And if I see it as truthful, I'm kind of duty bound to tell you the truth. Three, four, five years into our business, we're going to a big industry event and have very young people working with me. And I had this young woman, she's a producer and we're all kind of. dressed up for the event after work. So she emerges from the bathroom and she's wearing some crazy outfit.

[00:23:10] Chris: Like we're not going to the Met Gala here. It's just, it's an industry event. It's that kind of outfit. And I'm busy getting my thing on. I'm like, I'm ready to go. And I can hear her asking for people's opinions, asking my wife for her opinion, who's super supporting and loving. And for some reason in this moment, she's asking my cousin, how's his dress?

[00:23:31] Chris: And my cousin's a snake. He's like, why don't you ask Chris and I can hear him say that. I'm like, Oh no, you dirty rat, you dirty rat. And I was angry because I'm like, you're such a coward. You know what you think of this dress. But instead of answering it, you passed the buck. I can't see if you could squirm your way out of it, but to pull me into it, knowing that I will answer, that's messed up.

[00:23:55] Chris: So this producer walks over to me and she's like, Chris, I know you wouldn't lie to me, and I know you're very specific about things, and I trust your opinion. What do you think about this dress? I'm looking for the thousand different ways to say this in kind and loving voice. I cannot. It's terrible, right?

[00:24:13] Chris: So I say to her, Do you have anything else you want to wear? And she immediately, her eyes started to water. And she's, oh my god, it's terrible, isn't it? I'm like, I'm not saying it's terrible. I didn't say much more. So she stormed away. In the bathroom crying. And I don't want to do that. I don't want to hurt people's feelings.

[00:24:39] Chris: But if somebody asks me, Do you have a booger on my nose? Do I have it on my face? I'd tell you. Do I have broccoli? I would tell you. I will tell you. Like, you know how people walk out of the bathroom and sometimes they have a little toilet paper underneath their shoe? And the person's like... You know, toilet paper on your foot.

[00:24:57] Melissa: Honestly, Chris, I think this is something to admire in you. The truth is such a high value. I mean, I for one appreciate it and I'm definitely not blowing smoke up your ass here. And I mean, totally honest. The way that you responded, I think was very respectful. It was open. In fact, you didn't really say that.

[00:25:18] Melissa: They look terrible. You're giving them an option. You're being curious. And there's two things that I love, which I remind myself of, which is what people think of you is none of your business to a certain extent. And the second one is, this is this quote that I've really lived by. I think it originates with Buddha, which is, I am not who you think I am.

[00:25:40] Melissa: You are who you think I am. So whatever a person perceives of you. is a reflection of who they are. Okay. So I make a judgement. Oh, I think that person is mean and nasty. It's a perception, right? It's a perspective. I can only recognize that because it lives in me. That quality lives in me. So you came from a place of care.

[00:26:01] Melissa: She asked you a question. You came from a place of care. And I believe truly in my heart that you found the most diplomatic, open, actually open way of expressing an option because we always have an option. She could have said, yes, I do have something else, but I feel great in this. You would have respected her for that. Right. Cause it's not really about you. It's how she feels. 

[00:26:24] Chris: I don't care what she wears. Exactly. She can wear whatever she wants. Here's where it gets me into trouble. It gets me into trouble all the time. I gotta tell you. Hopefully, as I'm getting older, I get smarter about how to answer these questions.

[00:26:35] Chris: But that first girlfriend that I dated, she had a lot of insecurities about how she looked. Now, in that day and time, pre internet, pre Tinder or anything, like, I don't know what anybody looks like. I was chatting with her for some time and I developed deep feelings for her before I even met her. We just talked on the phone for hours.

[00:26:57] Chris: And I fell in love with her before I met her. And I told her that. And she goes, you cannot fall in love with me because you don't know what I look like. I'm like, it'll be all right. So we're going on a date. We go to the movies and I'm 16, right? I got to ask what movie? It was a scary movie. I can't remember.

[00:27:12] Chris: Something snake in the rainbow or something. So that 

[00:27:14] Melissa: you could do this kind of, 

[00:27:17] Chris: no, no, no, but, but something similar because there's an excuse to hold hands. Okay. If you're scared, I'm here. Okay. I'm not going to do that, but you know, movies are good because it's dark. We don't see too much of each other, we don't have to talk, and it'll be alright.

[00:27:31] Chris: It'll be alright. And it's a finite amount of time. And it's also something I can tell my mom, can you drop me off at the mall? You know, I'm gonna go watch a movie, and I don't have to disclose that I'm also checking out girl, you know? That all works just fine. And so later that day, she's super curious, she calls me, she's like, so, what do you think?

[00:27:47] Chris: I'm like, what? How do I look? I'm like, I think you're wonderful. She goes on a scale of 1 to 10. And here's the worst part, I told her the number. Which was? Six. Okay. Woo. And that hurt her so bad. Now here's the part where I said, I wish I could tell you something different. I know if I just fibbed a little bit, my relationship would have been much better.

[00:28:14] Chris: But it didn't. I couldn't. I just can't. On a objective measurement in my own mind, she was a six. There are many women much hotter than her, none of which I was paying attention to. I love this girl and I would have died for it. I would have done anything for her and I did for a long time until it became untenable.

[00:28:31] Chris: But she was so wounded by that moment, she never got over it. She never got over it. And it was a wound that never healed. And I told her, I told her the truth. I said, I think your personality is a nine or a 10. And from a pure physical point of view, I would put you at a six. And like, I wish I saw the world in less contrast where I know guys.

[00:29:00] Chris: Who are, how do we say this? Serial daters. Or they'll go out with anybody. I just can't because I have such exacting standards about who I'm attracted to. Intelligence, sense of humour, physical attributes, just, and the je I don't know why I like you, but I like you. It's so narrow that it's precluded me from.

[00:29:22] Chris: dating women that were interested in me because I just couldn't, I couldn't get over it. I just can't. I'm like, you're not my type. I already know where this is going to go. I just can't play. And this is, I wish I could, I wish I could. So I just put that out there. The part about me that I wish were different, it has its good and it's bad. And I've just told you two stories where my mouth gets me into all kinds of trouble. 

[00:29:49] Melissa: Chris, thank you for being so open, so open, so honest and heartfelt with sharing. what you perceive to be your Achilles heel for what it's worth. I'm like, maybe it's because I'm somebody who also values truth. I always say the truth sets you free.

[00:30:06] Melissa: And in this case, it sets you free from a relationship so that you could be connected and find joy and impact and purpose with Jesse. But I'm not here to sort of blow smoke up your ass, so to speak, but back to that. Thank you. That was a very sort of intimate question. I really appreciate the level of intimacy that you brought to that too.

[00:30:24] Melissa: On behalf of all our listeners, and really from the bottom of my heart, thank you for giving us your time. Thank you for all that you bring with the Futur Pro, and beyond that, for folks, if you haven't come across Chris YouTube, both, he has his own channel as well as the Futur Pro, then you need to go check that out on YouTube.

[00:30:42] Melissa: My gosh. And I don't know how you do it, Chris. Chris is everywhere, but with full presence. You're not someone that I see who dilutes yourself. You show up with full intention and full presence, and it's something I admire greatly. Thank you again. If there's one thing you'd like to leave our listeners with in and among everything that you've really given today, what would you leave them with today?

[00:31:04] Chris: I would say for you, I think we're perfectly aligned here, Melissa, which is to find your inner freak. your weirdo, your shadow self, your vulnerabilities, the things you feel guilt and shame around and just own it. Bring it to the surface. It'll set you free. And I wish that for you. I believe this. I believe that whether you believe in God, the universe, some cosmic energy or something in between mother nature, whatever, that you have such an oddly unique combination of assets that make you a gift.

[00:31:38] Chris: Most of us spend our life ignorant, blind to our gift. And I think our purpose is to find it. And once we find it, the gift has to be given. That's how gifts work. You have to give it away. And if more people could do this, we'd be all happier, healthier, and wealthier. And the world would be less at odds with each other.

[00:31:57] Chris: If we just said, if we recognize our own gift, because then you're living in your true power and you stand in it, affirmed with who you are, resolute. And so fewer things are going to upset you. And it's all then gets into your energy and your state. So if you live in this positive, state where you're optimistic and you're grateful and you're generous that transmits to other people.

[00:32:25] Chris: And I see all these videos on social where they're trying to change the narrative of what's going on. They're rewarding people for their generosity. And it's wild like where they, they go up to people as an experiment and they ask rich people for money. The experiment usually goes something like this.

[00:32:45] Chris: They ask people who are walking around in their business suit and attire and asking them if they could spare some money. And the way these videos go, of course, no one even talks to them. And they go up to a homeless person, quite literally just living on the street, who's got a couple of bags of stuff, and they ask him for something and they reach into some food and they share it with them.

[00:33:04] Chris: And the person says, are you sure you can give this to me? He goes, no, no, take it, take it. Or takes money out of their hat, where they're collecting money, and gives them a few bucks. And then they walk away, and they pause, and they come back, and then they say, you know, I just wanted to know why you gave me this money.

[00:33:20] Chris: We all could use a little help. I know I can. So if I can give, I will give and he's like, are you sure you could do this? And he's like, of course, take it, get yourself something. And he says, you know what? I don't need this. I just wanted to see who would show some kindness to me. Here's a thousand dollars.

[00:33:37] Chris: And they play that tear jerking music and like. I'm not crying. There's something in my eye right now. I'm not crying. You're crying. Right? And then what's really cool is they continue filming and what the person does is they get up, they get off the street and you're like, okay, they're going to go buy alcohol.

[00:33:53] Chris: They're going to do crazy, stupid stuff. And they go in the store and they come out with 25 bags of groceries. Like I knew it. See? Almost people don't know how to manage money. It's the problem. And they take each bag and they go to each corner and they give away bag. So to me, if you find your gift, You give it to people.

[00:34:13] Chris: I think my gift is teaching. My gift is empowering others to be better students, to be better learners, and to be better teachers. And I think... If I can do that, that means you'll be more empowered to achieve your goal, and then you can spread that to other people. And I think, what will the world look like if a hundred of us did this?

[00:34:32] Chris: And we impacted ten lives, and that would be, I don't know the math here, is that a thousand? A hundred times ten, that's a thousand. And those thousands impacted ten more lives, and you just keep going and it grows exponentially. And then it becomes this swell where there's more positive things happening in the world.

[00:34:52] Chris: So I want to help people find their gift so that they can share it with others. That's what I want to leave people with. You are a gift. Hopefully you'll find it. I wish you well. 

[00:35:03] Melissa: Thank you, Chris. Folks listening, this is why you need to stay fearlessly curious. See you on the next episode.

[00:35:18] Melissa: If you want more, make sure to subscribe so you never miss a new episode every Friday. And please leave a review. If you enjoy this episode. Don't forget to send me your curious questions and experiences as inspiration for future episodes. Your anonymity will be respected if that's what you prefer. For more guidance and support, join my emotional healing, mindfulness and music community over at melissaindot.com. See you next week.