48: How to Reshape Your Mindset Using Neuroscience and Mindfulness with Steffi Seefeld

What if the key to unlocking your true potential lies in understanding the intricacies of your mind? 

Steffi Seefeld joins me to share valuable insights into the mind-body connection, emphasising that thoughts trigger chemical responses in the body. She talks about how awareness, metacognition, and interrupting habitual states can empower you to break free from the cycles of unproductive thoughts and emotions.

Come along with me and Steffi as we explore the fascinating world of neuroscience and its profound impact on transformation. It's a journey of self-discovery, resilience, and the conscious rewiring of our brains.

Here are the highlights from this episode:

02:53 - Why Steffi wants to connect people to more joy
05:06 - How Steffi healed after a precancerous cell diagnosis
07:34 - The importance of consciously choosing how to respond to events
15:41 - How to connect with your intuition 
20:13 - The power of curiosity in personal growth and overcoming fear
28:47 - Why most people feel stuck
30:14 - How to create new neurological pathways in your brain
34:18 - How negative thought patterns can trigger stress hormones

About Our Guest

Steffi Seefeld is a passionate advocate for deep human connection and transformation. Four years ago, she experienced a transformative moment during her morning meditation, leading to the creation of the Connection University—a platform dedicated to cultivating deep human connections. This vision unfolded through monthly workshops, bridging the gap between individuals and their relationships.

As a facilitator and coach, Steffi's purpose is clear: enabling individuals to create the life and relationships they dream of, blending neuroscience-based concepts and conscious relationship practices. 

Discover more about Steffi Seefeld's transformative work and connect with her on her website, Instagram, and LinkedIn.

Resources:

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About Me:

I help you lead with fearless authenticity by smashing the self-imposed heteronormative stereotypes that keep you playing small through emotional healing inner child and inherited intergenerational trauma.

Create a purposeful life of your unique design by disrupting societal norms and expectations of who you should be.

Explore mindfulness, music, fearless curiosity and loving kindness through the lens of Human Design to thrive as the person you are born to be.

Learn more about my coaching method and join my emotional healing, mindfulness, and music community at melissaindot.com.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Steffi: It is the curiosity and the courage that we need to overcome the fear because there's gold in the fear. There's a reason why there is fear and I don't want to not have fear, but I want to know how to overcome fear and be so curious and be building the muscle of courage enough to learn, how can I overcome my fear.

[00:00:28] Melissa: Hey there, welcome to the Fearlessly Curious Podcast. Your safe space to listen, lean in, and learn the diversity of human experiences through the lens of fearless curiosity. When we learn more about each other... We also learn more about ourselves. How? Because when we listen to each other's curiosities and experiences, we relate to that which is in common and that which sets us apart gives us something to reflect on. We learn through and with each other. I'm grateful to you, the global community, for your curious questions. The Fearlessly Curious Podcast cannot exist without you.

[00:01:14] Melissa: Well, hi everybody and welcome to another episode of the Fearlessly Curious podcast, and this week I have an incredibly dynamic human being and I can't wait for Steffi, actually, Steffi Seefeld to share with all of you how it is that we came to be connected. For me, it's very serendipitous. For me, it really speaks to the power of taking action when you feel called to.

[00:01:39] Melissa: But before I continue, a very, very warm welcome to you, Steffi. Thank you for being a wholehearted yes to come on the podcast and I'd love for you to share with everybody first how this connection came to happen. 

[00:01:49] Steffi: Yeah. Thank you so much for having me. And I listened to your podcast, to your Fearlessly Curious podcast.

[00:01:57] Steffi: And I listened to one of the shows and I was like, wow, in my mind, I just keep having conversations with you. So I just reached out to you, be like, Hey, can we have a conversation on your podcast? So that's how it happened. And I'm super grateful that you are yes to that. 

[00:02:13] Melissa: Absolutely. I love that. And that is a message to all of you out there.

[00:02:16] Melissa: If you didn't catch that the first time, the reason why we're here with you today, myself and Steffi, is because Steffi listened to the podcast and she wrote to me. She's like, Hey, I love the podcast. I'd love to be on it. Will you have me? And for me, it was an immediate yes. Anybody who is openhearted enough to share their enthusiasm and inspiration and take action on it.

[00:02:37] Melissa: How could I even dream to say no? So thank you to you, Steffi, first of all, for reaching out. And here we are today. So on this Fearlessly Curious podcast, of course, the first question I always ask for any of our very special guests like you is, what's your why? Small question, Steffi, what's your why? 

[00:02:53] Steffi: Just the, let's start with a small question.

[00:02:55] Steffi: Yeah. Just start. Yeah. . My why is to make people, and also myself, happier and more joyful, really find the joy in our lives, help to find the joy, the connection, and I say life and relationship usually is separate because science says and also our experience says that the relationship has such a huge impact on our happiness and our well being and our quality of life that I think it's one of the most important things to really spend time and as a service to really learn how can we establish these relationships that are the quality, the authentic ones that are, you use the word heartwarming, the ones that just warm our hearts in the moments that we need it and also explode our hearts when we want to share our excitement.

[00:03:45] Steffi: So that, and then also the connection with ourselves is really deep in the connection with ourselves because that's where it all comes from.

[00:03:52] Melissa: My goodness, we couldn't be more aligned and that's exactly what I felt, you know, when you reached out to me, when I read that email, there was nothing but joy that I felt reading because you shared really important aspects about yourself, but you also shared your why you were reaching out to me.

[00:04:08] Melissa: That filled me up and I could tell that you were coming from a place of joy. And that's exactly what we want to do, right? It's amplifying, amplifying, amplifying all the time. And I love that you talk about relationships and committing to that quality of relationship that we have, not just with life, but the quality of relationships we have with people and the quality of the relationship we have with ourselves first.

[00:04:29] Melissa: So thank you for opening with that. I would love to know, and I know our listeners would also love to know, what brought you to this mission of yours, which is to help people find the joy in their lives? And a bit of a tease for everybody, we're going to be delving into some neuroscience, so then the science nerds out there, I also cannot wait to hear what Stevie has to share because she's also been part of a doctor, the great Dr. Joe Dispenza's work.

[00:04:55] Melissa: So I'm going to pause there. I'm going to just recap the question. What brought you to this mission that you're on now, which is to connect people with more joy? Steffi, over to you. 

[00:05:06] Steffi: Yeah, it was about four years ago when I woke up out of the meditation and that I was just called to create a connection university that was like the first name that came to me, but it didn't need to be the connection university but it was just this calling to help people connect better and bring them together and that was actually a side product of a meditation that I did for my own physical healing.

[00:05:33] Steffi: I had precancerous cells on my cervix, so I knew the western medicine wasn't my route. I just, when I tuned into all of what the doctors told me, I was like, this just doesn't feel like healing. I just, I imagined four months, whatever it had of me, I would still be afraid. Is it really gone or is it not?

[00:05:52] Steffi: Like, I just didn't trust that method. And I just listened to that intuition. And I found other modalities like Dr. Joe Dispenza's meditations. Okay. And so I meditated and I learned his concepts, his teachings, and meditated just religiously every morning, every night for a long time. I still do, but for that purpose at that point four years ago, I did it because I wanted to heal and the things like the connection university came up like my life changed.

[00:06:21] Steffi: I became a totally different human. During that time because of the meditations because I've sat down and asked myself the questions and was very honest with myself to become more familiar with myself and then become familiar with my future like how do I not make this whatever is happening to me or around me responsible for how I feel. I still feel, yeah can I still feel grateful joyful and thankful adventure is curious in that situation, or maybe because of that situation.

[00:06:55] Steffi: And I did, I got it, right? And so, and once, it was like four months later after the diagnose that I was healed.

[00:07:03] Melissa: Four months. That's incredible

[00:07:05] Steffi: Yeah, and the journey was, it was incredible, and the journey was also incredible because of course, talking about it now, I talk about it as this great adventure and it was awesome, but of course there were a lot of days where I didn't want to meditate, or I didn't want to look at the fears that I had, or I wanted to be Done already.

[00:07:23] Steffi: I wanted to be healed already. Like impatience has been a big challenge for me over that time. 

[00:07:31] Melissa: I feel you 100 percent on that. Impatience. 

[00:07:34] Steffi: Yeah. And my partner at the time said something really beautiful to me. She said, what if the pace is not the measurement of your success? What if it really, to like talk to the core of the work that I do now too, is like, what if all the things that you get to be and get to do right now are the measurement of your success?

[00:07:56] Steffi: I was like, Oh, Good. Yeah. Yeah

[00:07:58] Melissa: Opportunity, possibility and freedom to choose. That's what's coming up. The first part of me wants to apologise for interrupting, but the second part of me is like no. 

[00:08:10] Steffi: No, I love this exactly because those words resonate so much because to see like really setting your intention to the opportunities and possibilities of your new and different future is one of the key things to change.

[00:08:23] Steffi: And that's what we need. And what was the other word that you said? 

[00:08:28] Melissa: Opportunity, possibility, and freedom? Freedom to choose, I think. The freedom to choose.

[00:08:33] Steffi:  Yes, freedom to choose. So much. And that is, in neuroscience, called metacognition, that we do kind of stretch the space between information coming towards us, like this event is happening, and we react in an emotional way.

[00:08:47] Steffi: So between that event coming towards us and our reaction, we want to stretch that moment so that we can, ah, okay, something is happening. And I have the choice to either react, act, think, and feel in a way that I've always done, that is programmed, I have a chance to do something different. Because even though it might not feel right, that is actually not true.

[00:09:11] Steffi: It just doesn't feel familiar. 

[00:09:12] Melissa: Can I pause you there? That's so powerful for the listeners. Even though it doesn't feel right, it's actually that it doesn't feel familiar. And sometimes that's why it's scary, right? Because it's something new. So it's like, I'm just going to say it. Oh shit, because I'm not used to it.

[00:09:31] Melissa: It can't be right. But that is not true. Sorry. I want to highlight that because that was gold. You just gave everyone.

[00:09:38] Steffi: Yeah, that is so gold because think about it. By the time you're in your mid thirties, 95 percent of who you are, your identity is automatic programs. It's your conditioning, your programs, it's subconscious or unconscious.

[00:09:53] Steffi: So in order for you to change, you need to become conscious of how unconscious you are. That's the only way to change. And understanding that these 95 percent of us unconscious automatic programs, of course, you've done this for 30 years or 20 years, maybe 50 years for however long, you've done this automatically.

[00:10:14] Steffi: And now you want to do something different. Of course, your body's freaking out. Doesn't want to do it. So even though you know, cognitively, it's right, it's better for me if I don't react in that way, if I'm not angry in that way, or if I don't snap out in that way, I know it's better for me, it's better for my relationship, it's better for my health, but it doesn't feel right because it doesn't feel familiar.

[00:10:35] Steffi: But we need to learn that distinction, familiar and right, and learn to trust that challenge, that chaos, and that's okay, that's part of the deal, it's part of the process, I gotta move through it. And because on the other side, that will become familiar too. So I'm jumping ahead a little bit now. 

[00:10:55] Melissa: This is perfect.

[00:10:56] Melissa: And I do want to just slow this down a little bit because I'm excited to have this conversation with you. I want to backtrack just a little bit on your personal story because you said. When you had that diagnosis for cervical cancer, is that right? And your intuition was telling you, I am not going to go down the Western medicine route and just for clarity, cause I know we've got listeners from all over the world, what do you mean when you say Western medicine, just for clarity?

[00:11:24] Steffi: Mm hmm. Yeah, that's a good clarification. Three doctors told me, well, we can try a leep procedure, which is pretty common and it's okay. It's not a big deal for a lot of people. And if we wait a little bit longer, it's too deep in the tissue that it would be chemo radiation. And it felt like even the scar tissue for me, we forget sometimes how even just a little surgery can have a huge impact on one of our biggest organs, the skin.

[00:11:53] Melissa: Oh, I love that you mentioned that too because the majority of people out there, and am I generalising? Yes. Am I confident that this is true? Yes. How many people out there know that your skin is an organ? We're not taught that. I don't even remember being taught that in biology. I did A level biology, right?

[00:12:10] Melissa: So a graze is a graze. And even as a child, when we fall down, when we scratch ourselves, when we get a bruise, it's like, come on, it's only a graze. Hang on. It's damage to our biggest freaking organ. So folks listening, take note, your skin is the biggest organ. So as you mentioned, Steffi, even just the slightest cut, incision in your skin is, and I'm going to use this word very intentionally, is trauma for one of our biggest organs.

[00:12:36] Melissa: Please continue. 

[00:12:37] Steffi: Exactly. And to that, so I had just intuitive moments of how am I healing? And I think that is a moment, a lot of us wait for a crisis to change. We don't need to wait for a crisis to change, but when a crisis happens, We turn up the volume of everything that's not important and we're allowing ourselves to listen and that's what I did.

[00:12:59] Steffi: So I found a natural path who's worked with, like, that it was her genius, like, that was her expertise and I listened to the medical medium and I took his advice very, very closely. And then Dr. Joe Dispenza meditations, did a lot of kundalini yoga just to really cleanse myself. And the physical healing happened, but there was a lot of emotional, a lot of mental healing happening too, because I also took off work as much as I could.

[00:13:29] Steffi: And of course, that's risky to where's money coming in, but there is just a very deep level of trust that that's the way. And then I have a healing circle of very close friends that believed in that healing that I chose that healing path that I chose that believed in that too. So we gathered every three weeks and it was beautiful and it helped so beautifully in their energy.

[00:13:55] Steffi: And I very intentionally chose people that believed in this modality too. And I told friends or family members that didn't believe that, like that were just very scared to keep it for themselves and that I might not be as close to them because I know the power of the energy and I didn't want to spend my energy to spend on taking care of them and let their energy and their doubts to impact my field.

[00:14:18] Steffi: That was a big step. 

[00:14:21] Melissa: Oh gosh, I can only imagine. Well, first of all, what power, what discipline, what boundaries to be so committed. And I think that speaks to the faith that you have in yourself, ultimately to cleanse, not just yourself from the insides. You talked about the emotional, the spiritual, really the mental.

[00:14:41] Melissa: But also to be clear that even though you're doing the inner healing and the inner transformation, we are living as humans in a 3D world, having this lived experience and our environment. So also you mentioned about food, right? What we're putting in, but not just putting in physically in terms of food, but what we're consuming in terms of.

[00:14:59] Melissa: What people are saying to us, what we're reading, what we're watching, the news, what people are gossiping or people have, have their own doubts and their own fears. And we can honour people for what their lived experiences. And like you said, I mean, how powerful to say, you know, thank you very much for having your thoughts, but if they're not aligned to mine, I would really respect you to yourself.

[00:15:19] Melissa: And maybe you might see less of me because. Absolutely, every little part, actually every fragment of thought, every word we say, every action we take and that we expose ourselves to impacts ourselves. I love that play on words, myself, myself, it makes such a massive difference and you connecting to your intuition and listening to what you nee is so powerful.

[00:15:41] Melissa: I'm very passionate about helping people or encouraging people rather to really start to build that relationship of connecting with their own intuition. And intuition is so different for everybody, right? For some people it feels like a gut response, for other people it's like this whisper, for other people it's like, you know, a voice or maybe they get goosebumps.

[00:16:02] Melissa: But what's important is that we create the space to actually notice what it is for us. And by no means, I'm not anti alcohol in any way, but just like a fast living busyness. alcohol, prescriptive drugs even, because people pop pills so easily these days, Oh, I got a headache, just pop a pill. Not drinking enough water and eating food that's not clean, that affects our ability also to connect our intuition.

[00:16:25] Melissa: Absolutely. And it looks, you've just modelled how it is possible to do that cleanse through and through. And I think one of the hardest things is speaking to the people that you love and your family, your friends, your community, claiming and holding that boundary. I mean, I was an addict. I was an alcoholic and a drug addict.

[00:16:45] Melissa: And when I decided that I was gonna clean my life up, that was one of the hardest things I did. It was in a way harder than actually stopping while I was addicted to it. Cause I, it meant like separating myself from the only people I knew and that in a way formed a part of my identity. Was it like that for you as well when you changed your circle?

[00:17:03] Steffi: Yeah a hundred percent and I see that with the people I work with too that that is one of the hardest things for most of us to say no to the people because we're such people pleasers most of us grew up in a you need to be polite you need to be kind you can't say no or that's mean you know you don't want to hurt other people's feelings and really reprogramming ourselves to the understanding that it's a very simple framework, actually, to being a no now or to this just means that we're a yes to something else that's greater for all of us.

[00:17:35] Steffi: But having the tools, having the communication tools and having the courage to say no at this moment. It doesn't feel good for me. Here's why and how can we explore something alternatively that feels better for both of us and sometimes there isn't like take that risk but that means something to like if a person is not able to be compassionate or generous enough in moments like that to take a step back to not do what they want, but actually see, okay, this is what you need right now.

[00:18:05] Steffi: I'm going to be okay giving that to you. And I'm enjoying that even though there can be sadness or pain or whatever on me too, both can exist, but it's for you and for us in that moment. And so I think that's another kind of clearing and cleansing too, like, who are the people that are really understanding and really supportive of my health and of my intuition and of my way and how can they support me in their own way.

[00:18:28] Steffi: And if people can’t, then maybe they're not my people and that is okay. 

[00:18:33] Melissa: And seasons and cycles. I love that encouragement you gave everybody, which is take the risk. Take the risk. I mean, there's that statement, right? People go, no risk, no reward. But actually, how I like to remind myself of what risk really means is like, often when we say take the risk, my focus is, I risk losing that friend, let's say.

[00:18:53] Melissa: I risk losing that relationship. So the people pleasing thing comes in, right? I'm afraid to actually speak my truth because I might risk this friendship. But if we can flip that and go, if I don't say this, if I don't speak the truth in my heart, if I don't express what I truly need for my highest benefit for my health.

[00:19:10] Melissa: My mental health, my emotional health, then what I risk is the new friendship that might come. And it might come with that same person because that growth could happen. That person could be like, Oh my God, I totally freaking agree with you, Melissa. I agree with you, Steffi. I didn't think of it that way.

[00:19:25] Melissa: How can I support you? Or it could be, okay, I'm very clear this person is in a different space for me and we create space for someone new to come in. So that is really the risk.

[00:19:35] Steffi: I love that you said that. Yeah. And I love that you pointed out like that new person can be or that new relationship can be with that same person because once somebody speaks up, like, what is it that you're not saying is also a great sentence to just bring up in a conversation when things are hard or situation things are hard.

[00:19:52] Steffi: Like, what is that we're not saying? Because we're afraid of hurting each other. And once that's there and it's shared with love, you know, or kindness, then, okay, well, thanks for letting me know. I had no idea. It's an easy fix. Sometimes it can't be that easy. Just, we just need to talk. And, you know, your title, Fearlessly Curious, I'm actually really curious how the title came.

[00:20:13] Steffi: But before I hear that answer, I want to just share a conversation I had with a fellow coach yesterday about he mentioned that he wants to be fearless and fearlessly honest. And I said, why fearless? And we had a really inspiring conversation about it. And I think we came to the point that it is the curiosity and the courage that we need to overcome the fear.

[00:20:37] Steffi: And because fearless for me, and this is why I'm really curious about your title, how, how your understanding is. Fear in general is also there's gold, right? Like you mentioned that earlier, too. There's gold in the fear. There's a reason why there is fear. And I don't want to not have fear, but I want to know how to overcome fear and be so curious and be building the muscle of courage enough to learn how can I overcome my fear.

[00:21:04] Melissa: I love that. So wired for fear, right? We have this part, maybe you, anybody listening wants to just check this online. As far as I remember, we have this part in our brain called the amygdala, the amygdala. And the amygdala basically, it's responsible for constantly scanning for danger out there.

[00:21:22] Melissa: And so we're wired for it. We don't need to think about where danger is. We're wired to pick up on it. For me, being fearless is about being attached to what we think fear is going to do. Okay, so we're really wired for it. Why do I want to put extra energy worrying about what could go wrong when my body is wired for it?

[00:21:41] Melissa: Instead, how do I navigate that very fear in a way where I can become the observer of it? I know this will resonate with your work, Steffi. I can become the observer and not be attached to it because through my curiosity, I can discover another way to navigate fear beyond what my amygdala, my central nervous system, is wired to do because that's a very old part of our brain.

[00:22:05] Melissa: It's very not, the word isn't even primal, but it's, we're wired for it. We can't change that wiring, but we can change what we do with that wiring, so to speak. And fearlessness is exactly that. So just to recap, fearlessness is really about that. It's about befriending our fear. So saying, okay, I hear you. I hear what my fear is.

[00:22:25] Melissa: What is the wisdom, the nugget, that is locked in fear beyond what I know, beyond the limits of my knowledge, beyond the limits of my memory, beyond the limits of my very, very ancient part of that brain, that is limited, right? And as for curiosity, As you said, we grow through curiosity, and I believe that curiosity is something we are all born with.

[00:22:49] Melissa: I'm going to say something that's going to sound funny. I'm going to ask everybody to think back, remember back to that time when you were one month old. Nobody's going to be able to remember that, because our brains weren't fully, sort of, in that awareness zone. But you look at a baby, right? And when you, when they're on their backs and when eyes are open and you know, that the eyes are developing, they're learning, it's learning with light and getting focused, what's near, what's far.

[00:23:11] Melissa: And then they start to discover their hands, their fingers. And, you know, they put their hands in their mouths. It's the most beautiful thing you'll ever see. Their legs are in the air. They grab, they do happy baby naturally for all the yogis out there. Right. And then maybe they'll put their feet and chew their toes.

[00:23:25] Melissa: That's all curiosity. Through curiosity we discover. We explore and we discover and through discovery we make different, we start to recognize things and when we recognize things we start to realise things and things become, when I say realise, it's an awakening but it's also realised as in it becomes tangible.

[00:23:47] Melissa: Something that was blur becomes clear and now something that I can touch or something that I can refer to as an experience. That's a really long answer to your question, but that's really how Fearlessly Curious came up because that's how I live. I live with fearless curiosity and sometimes it gets me into trouble.

[00:24:05] Melissa: I'll say it air quotes and by that I mean sometimes people can find it a little bit intrusive. So as you mentioned earlier, I have to continue to just be myself and trust that by being myself is a natural filter. Those who are not for me will fall away to create space for the people who are here to hear my message, just like you're here, Steffi, today with us on the fearless and curious podcast for all those people out there listening who are here for your message.

[00:24:33] Melissa: So does that answer your question? 

[00:24:36] Steffi: Oh my God. So much and beyond. Yes. I love that. I love also the curious part that's what I use a lot. I mean, in my own work, but also the work with my clients, when you explore something and you dedicate to a new type of meditation, new type of reprogramming, really it is to like, how can I become familiar with my old self?

[00:24:56] Steffi: And then with my new self and really practising that it's a mental rehearsal program. And there's resistance. Of course, your body is telling you, no, I don't want to do that. I really don't. This is, this doesn't feel right. Like we talked about. And can you lead with curiosity? Can you lead with, okay, well, it's just 30 days.

[00:25:14] Steffi: Let's say it's just 30 days of doing this. How can I be curious and not instead of giving up going into my old programming, how can I be curious enough to see what's on the other side? What's on the other side of this discomfort? What's on the other side of this? And would I really make it? Because I guess so many people have done this.

[00:25:33] Steffi: Could I be one of those two? Yeah. Could I be successful in my transformation too? And like really leading with curiosity and curiosity for me also in interpersonal relationships, like even with ourselves, instead of judging ourselves, instead of judging other people, can I lead with curiosity and ask a question and find more understanding,  more compassion.

[00:25:56] Melissa: And in fact, even with that judgement, I'm just going to put my head on the chopping board and say, maybe it's okay to judge actually, because that's how we are, in relative terms, if not this, then that, right? But through judgement, we go, okay, I've just made a judgement on someone. Why did I just make that judgement?

[00:26:14] Steffi: Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. 

[00:26:17] Melissa: Maybe I'm making that judgement and I see that in that person because the only way I can see it in them, it's because it lives in me somewhere. 

[00:26:24] Steffi: Exactly. Yeah. It's such a good point. Yeah. I'm not a no to judgement. I'm just exactly like take the judgement in as a lesson to or as a curious leader of like, okay, why am I so judgmental about this or resentful or yeah.

[00:26:38] Melissa: Yeah. And I love this laughter, this play. For those of you who are listening to the podcast, maybe you want to get over to YouTube and watch it because Steffi and I are smiling and laughing a lot because I think a very important part of the mission, the calling, the service that you bring to the world too, apart from leading with curiosity, and with curiosity comes this, comes play.

[00:26:59] Melissa: And boy, I mean, we all could do with a lot more play in our lives because apparently we all grow up and apparently we will have to be adults who do adult things. But honestly, it's no big secret, but just for the record, Steffi, we are just all big kids trying to figure out this crazy rollercoaster of life.

[00:27:18] Steffi: Oh my god, so much. Yeah. And when we get to play, yeah, just healing or transformation or changing your life doesn't need to be hard. And we're so trained to like to have discipline and do it and achieve and focus and dedicate. And yes, and it can be fun too. It can be joyful. It can be playful and invite curiosity or exploration, right?

[00:27:40] Steffi: Explore. Okay. What could it be like? And maybe you don't have an answer and that's okay. And then just try another thing. Yeah. Really bring the lightness. 

[00:27:49] Melissa: You don't have to do it alone. I mean, some things are fun alone. Sometimes we need to have that aloneness. Totally. But like with everything, a problem shared is a problem halved and a problem and a celebration shared is a celebration that suddenly becomes a big block party.

[00:28:04] Steffi: Yes. Yeah, absolutely. 

[00:28:09] Melissa:  So who doesn't want that, right? So, so tell us, I promised our listeners that we would go into a little bit of what I call geek mode because I love neuroscience and I'd love for you to share with us a little bit of the neuroscience perspective on change, on transformation. And I know that's like a massive question, but I know what arises in you will be the absolutely the most aligned thing to share in this podcast at this moment.

[00:28:32] Steffi: Yeah, I like to invite you to think about this. We have up to 60, 000 thoughts in one day.

[00:28:43] Melissa: How tiring. 60, 000 thoughts in a day. 

[00:28:47] Steffi: And listen to that 90 percent of those thoughts are the same as the day before. Oh my God. So, and if you believe that your thoughts for something to do where you're going, where your destiny of your life and effect on your life, then if you keep thinking the same way, your life will stay the same.

[00:29:04] Steffi: It makes sense because the same thoughts lead to the same choices that you see. The same choices lead to the same actions and behaviours. The same actions lead to the same experiences and the end product of an experience is always an emotion. So you'll have the same emotion that then influences the same thoughts again.

[00:29:25] Steffi: So in that cycle to loop exactly thinking the same way, acting the same way and feeling the same way. And that means that your biology, your Neurotransmitters, your hormones, your gene expressant, all of that stays the same because you're staying the same.

[00:29:41] Melissa: So does that speak to a lot of the stuckness that a lot of people and I'm sure a lot of people that come to both you and I, yes, are experiencing.

[00:29:50] Melissa: But now that makes sense the way that you've just described that. I'm just gonna recap the first bit because that was mind blowing and it's a good place for anybody new to this to start from. This is Steffi sharing the neuroscience book, which I love. Thank you. We have anything up to 60, 000 thoughts a day, see I am paying attention, of which at least 90% are the same thoughts that we had yesterday.

[00:30:11] Melissa: Oh my God. 

[00:30:14] Steffi: Exactly. So thinking about that, and this is the model I teach in the Change Your Mind, Create New Results program designed by Dr. Joe Dispenza, because you also can think about it this way. If thinking in new ways is creating new neurological networks in your brain. 

[00:30:27] Melissa: Hang on a second. Thinking in new ways is creating, okay, new neurological pathways, right?

[00:30:32] Melissa: It's firing up new thoughts. 

[00:30:35] Steffi: So listening to a podcast right now, you're getting in new information. You're creating new neurological pathways, connections in your brain. Okay. You do need to maintain that knowledge, right? Or if you read a book or you take a dance lesson. 

[00:30:51] Melissa: So like going to the gym?

[00:30:51] Steffi: Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. There you build the physical muscle. So learning new information is creating these neurological networks and maintaining them is remembering, right? Remembering is maintaining these neurological networks. Okay. So that means if you have new thoughts, you could have new choices.

[00:31:12] Steffi: Well, that could lead to new choices that you see that you have never seen before. And then those new choices will make you act and behave in new ways. And with those new ways of behaving, you can create new experiences that then make you feel in new ways. And that new feeling inspires new thoughts. So now that's the same loop, but it's different, right?

[00:31:33] Steffi: It's a new loop that you've never seen before, so you can change. And that's called evolution. And it's very important that it's not about, you know, just thinking positively, but also really feeling the new feelings of your future, feeling grateful, even though there's nothing to be grateful for. I mean, there's always something, right.

[00:31:52] Steffi: But just as an example, and that will fuel your choices that you make. And I talked about this earlier, the concept of metacognition, it's becoming the observer, being able to observe yourself. And we have this ability, which I think that's one of the most incredible things in our brain. The frontal lobe is the part where we can zoom out and really observe while I'm speaking right now, I can observe myself speaking.

[00:32:18] Steffi: I can observe my thoughts. I can observe my actions, my feelings. And that allows me also to have a choice. So if I can become really good at that, and I can stretch that moment, I can get back in the driver's seat of my behaviour, of my actions, of my thoughts. And that is the key for change, becoming aware, having some tools, having some practices that help us become more aware of who we are.

[00:32:46] Melissa: In each moment, because each moment is different, right? And in each moment, through our awareness, we're going through that evolution. Yeah. Because maybe we're going to notice, we're going to observe something different. Ooh, I'm taking all this in, this is so amazing. I know that the community who are listening are clearly here because they are passionate or curious about personal growth.

[00:33:07] Melissa: And we hear a lot about mindset work, right? Change the way you think. And I, and I believe that's also part of Dr. Joe's program, but for me, what you mentioned is key is getting clear on how we feel as well. I love that. You said it's fuel because how many times have we tried to talk ourselves into going to the gym and not made it there because we're just not feeling it, right how many times you like I am gonna get in that dress I'm gonna lose that weight and I'm gonna tell myself that I want to lose that weight, right?

[00:33:37] Melissa: But I just don't feel right being that size. Not the size I am now. Yeah. But maybe I don't feel right about this concept of being smaller. It's actually something else, right? So cultivating the tools to nourish and nurture our emotional health is something that I believe everybody needs to know more about and gain more tools around.

[00:34:01] Melissa: It's not just about our minds. We've got to hit every level because we're more than just our minds. In fact, I don't know how you feel about this, but our minds are like the smallest part of who we are.

[00:34:10] Steffi: Yeah. The body definitely scores and the body and the mind are constantly in communication.

[00:34:18] Steffi: And so when we have a thought, let's say I'm angry or I'm frustrated. And that sends a message or an image or we create an image about ourselves, okay, I'm angry and if we believe and accept that thought about ourselves in that moment, then there is a chemical signature sent down into our bodies, into the hormonal centres and if I'm angry, it's a stress hormone.

[00:34:40] Steffi: So our adrenal glands get notified. Hey, just spread some adrenaline out here because you're pretty stressed. You're pretty angry. You're pretty frustrated right now and that moment the brain checks in with the body again being like, oh, you're super angry, and let's create some more thoughts.

[00:34:58] Steffi: Let's generate some more thoughts that keep you feeling that way. So now you're not just frustrated that somebody didn't invite you or now you're frustrated because somebody cut you off on the road and your partner didn't get back to you in time or the yoga class was too hot. Now you have all these thoughts coming from nowhere to just keep you in that feeling because then the same cycle happens again.

[00:35:20] Steffi: There is a chemical signature sending down to the adrenal glands again. And so that loop of thinking and feeling and feeling and thinking is what's going on all the time. And if you can't think greater than how you feel, if you can become aware of that and interrupted your state of being stays the same, then you're becoming the angry person and you make somebody else or that situation responsible for how you feel.

[00:35:46] Melissa: You externalise that and you give away your power. You say it's because of them.

[00:35:49] Steffi: Exactly. And interestingly too, when that event happened and we really keep living by that emotion of that event, then we keep talking about it and that story that we tell ourselves and other people, 50 percent of that story is not even true.

[00:36:04] Steffi: So we're living a miserable life that we didn't even have. Because our brain does in such a potent sentence there, like we're living a miserable life that we didn't even have because our body is bringing up excuses for us to change. So the story has to become worse and bigger and way more dramatic than it actually was for us to find an excuse to change.

[00:36:26] Melissa: And then we identify with it. Then it becomes who we are. 

[00:36:30] Steffi: Yeah, exactly. Then it becomes our personality trait. And that is we've completely given up the power to our past, to traumas, to conditioning, to situations, and really learning that you have the ability, it's called neuroplasticity, to change, right?

[00:36:46] Steffi: You might not forget the memory. But if you can learn to shift that emotional charge, right, to not get so charged up anymore when you think about that event, then it can become wisdom and wisdom you can learn from wisdom, but you can't learn when it's so charged still, then you're still living in the past.

[00:37:08] Steffi: But if you can overcome the past. And if you can overcome that, you mentioned earlier when the body's like, I just don't feel like it, that's what we need to learn to overcome. I just don't feel like it. You don't need to feel like going to the gym to go. You don't need to feel like just staying silent for a moment and pause and really check in instead of reacting right away.

[00:37:28] Steffi: You don't need to feel like it. But you can still do it and you can still check in and change your state of being. 

[00:37:34] Melissa: And if we wanted to change how we feel like it, sorry, there was so much there as well. I just wanted to spend a moment to just be in silence actually because there was so much there. Steffi, thank you.

[00:37:45] Melissa: If I bring us back to the feeling, right, and you're just saying we don't necessarily have to feel it to do it. Right? It's also how much attention we pay to these thoughts. Can we just become the observer? Oh, those thoughts are telling me not to do it. I'm just going to do it. But we could also stay up, change our state of being, and that's the feeling part.

[00:38:04] Melissa: And one of my favourite ways of changing my state is to listen to music and anybody who's heard the Fearlessly Curious podcast knows that I'm always going to bring one aspect of music. I also want to be mindful of your time. We've had so much here. I want to give the listeners space to take in everything.

[00:38:19] Melissa: Let's take it to music for a little bit now. I asked you, if you were a song, what song would you be? Right. And I want to take it one step further. So if I needed to show up for my coaching session with you, Steffi, and I wasn't feeling it and I was observing my thoughts and I'm still like, no, I'm going to find, try and find an excuse not to show up for my coaching session with Steffi today.

[00:38:43] Melissa: What song might you play me? Or what song might you sing? I'm really, by the way, listeners, I'm really putting Steffi on the spot. So this is the fun bit that I get to have. And if you can't name a song and an artist, then maybe you could name a genre. Although people don't really talk about genres anymore, or just describe the kind of song.

[00:39:01] Melissa: I'm curious.

[00:39:02] Steffi: Yeah, so if it was right before you don't feel like it, but you want to do it and have to do it I would be a musical song because I'm a musical lover musical like yeah musical like the Lion King I really hate being in the Lion King musical at some point in my life so it would probably be even the first one when they're like, Oh, yeah…. 

[00:39:28] Melissa: Oh my God.

[00:39:29] Melissa: I got her singing. That's even better

[00:39:30] Steffi: It's like a rising of something, or it would maybe be, I want to break free. 

[00:39:37] Melissa: Oh, nice. Freddie Mercury and Queen.

[00:39:40] Steffi: Yeah, because Freddie Mercury, sometimes we've talked about gym, like when I feel like giving up on a HIIT workout or so, I'm like, Freddie Mercury would never give up like right now.

[00:39:50] Steffi: Like, I just play with that. It's like. No. So I think that's why I was like, I want to break free.

[00:39:56] Melissa: Okay. I'm going to go listen to that now. So either something from a musical, but you named the Lion King and that, that chant actually, and it is primal. I think that's also important. Musicality. It's about frequency.

[00:40:07] Melissa: It's about what fires us up, right? So I love that you gave that option. And then the late great Freddie Mercury's, I want to break free. I love that. I'm going to just segue to this before we wrap this up and I remind everybody how they get in contact with you, which is now if you were a song, Steffi, what song would you be?

[00:40:29] Steffi: Yeah. I can't say a song, like one particular one, I'm like describing it as, I think it would be such a sweet melody that takes you by the hand first where you're like, this feels really good. I want to listen to this forever. And then it gets a little bit of a mix of Alicia Keys and Lady Gaga of soul, but also badassery, like, yeah, let's conquer the world, let's do it, let's do it together, and like, let's support each other and do it, just like that kind of energy, and then round it up again with a lullaby of sweetness.

[00:41:05] Melissa: Mm. What a journey. So folks listening, if you are curious to learn more about neuroscience, like through the lens of the great Dr. Joe Dispenza's work, but interwoven with, with Steffi's unique perspective of life and her lived experiences, then you know what you need to do, right? You need to head to the podcast notes and there, you're going to get all the information on how to contact Steffi

[00:41:25] Melissa: Get in contact with her, explore her content. More importantly, she has just described the song within her heart, right? If you are curious to know what it's gonna feel like she just described the song to you, that is her signature right there. She wasn't even gonna name a specific artist and song because she's absolutely unique.

[00:41:47] Melissa: Steffi, it's been an absolute pleasure having you on the Fearlessly Curious podcast. Thank you for reaching out to me. I've had a blast. I actually don't wanna stop, but I need to make sure that the podcast doesn't go on for too long, and I immediately want to invite you back. Oh yeah. If you're up for it, for another conversation, and maybe we can invite the listeners based on what they've heard from you today to suggest what they would like to know more about.

[00:42:06] Melissa: And if it's a line for you, we can come on and do another recording. How does that sound?

[00:42:15] Steffi: I would love it. I enjoyed our conversation so much. And I'd love to hear questions or feedback from your community and also finish my story with the mystical experience of my healing.

[00:42:25] Steffi: I think that would be amazing. There's so much more we can learn and share. And yeah, absolutely. I would love that. I enjoyed this so much. 

[00:42:33] Melissa: Let's do that then. So folks, put in the comments wherever you hear this podcast, YouTube, whether it's on my other social media platforms, and I'm hoping Steffi's going to share on hers too.

[00:42:44] Melissa: You need to comment, give both of us the feedback, right? And like I said, you can find all her details in the podcast notes, again, on whichever platform that you're watching this on. It'll all be there, I promise. And if it isn't, for some reason, reach out to me and I'll make sure that you get it.

[00:42:59] Melissa: And we welcome your suggestions for a future, another chat session with Steffi and Steffi, is there anything you'd like to leave everybody with today until the next time we meet? 

[00:43:11] Steffi: Yeah, we talked about so many things and I think it was giving yourself space for intuition, listen to you, create some space just for you.

[00:43:20] Melissa: Beautiful. Thank you so much, Steffi. 

[00:43:23] Steffi: Thank you. It was a pleasure to be here. 

[00:43:25] Melissa: We'll see you again on the Fearlessly Curious podcast soon. Thank you. Yes. And to our listeners, we'll see you on the next episode. Until then. Do not forget to be fearlessly curious.

[00:43:44] Melissa: If you want more, make sure to subscribe so you never miss a new episode every Friday. And please leave a review. If you enjoy this episode. Don't forget to send me your curious questions and experience as inspiration for future episodes. Your anonymity will be respected if that's what you prefer. For more guidance and support, join my emotional healing, mindfulness and music community over at melissaindott.com

[00:44:11] Melissa: See you next week.